Over the past few years, fans have had to stand by and watch some of their most beloved franchises, heroes and childhood stories warped beyond all recognition by Hollywood fat cats more interested in making a quick buck and catering to the PC police than preserving timeless legacies. The Ghostbusters as women? The Human Torch is black? Where does it end? Do we really want a world where Idris Elba is James Bond?
Here are five of the most outrageous decisions studio execs have made that have ruined people’s childhoods, for sure:
5. Turning Robin Hood into a fox
Fans of the ancient British folklore yarn of Sherwood Forest’s charming rogue who robs from the rich to give to the poor citizens of Nottingham were not happy when Disney announced that they’d be remaking the timeless classic featuring Robin Hood not as a churlish cad, but as a fox. To add insult to injury, they turned the sinister Prince John and his evil Sheriff of Nottingham into a lion cub and a …wolf(?), respectively. Not cool, Disney.
4. Making Jesus white
The story of Jesus Christ is the foundation for the faith of millions of people all over the world, a source of inspiration and hope for the entire world over the past two millennia, and the culmination of five thousand years of Jewish prophecy. So imagine how angry Christians were when Jesus was cast not as a Middle Eastern Jew, but a white man in The Last Temptation of Christ, The Greatest Story Ever Told, The Passion of the Christ, and every other Jesus movie.
3. Making Darth Vader Luke Skywalker’s Dad
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker’s father was a hero who was betrayed and murdered by Darth Vader. This was the story that thrilled fans of the original Star Wars, but guess what: Hollywood just couldn’t leave well enough alone. The sequel made Darth Vader into Luke’s actual father. I’ve got a bad feeling about this!
2. Making the Anaheim Angels rely on real angels
The Anaheim Angels are heroes to millions. They’re hard workers who dedicate their life and talents to America’s pastime, and fans love them for it. Too bad Hollywood’s Angels in the Outfield decided to portray them as a mob of bumbling idiots who had to rely on divine intervention in order to have a shot at winning.
1. Matthew McConaughey as a good actor
Fans of Matthew McConaughey had grown to love him for his lackadaisical, not-super-interested-in-the-movie-he’s-in style of acting. That all changed in 2014, when McConaughey starred in True Detective, turning in a magnetic, enthralling performance as a damaged cop looking to atone for his past sins, leaving his many fans in the dust. Come back to us, Matt!