3 Ways The NFL Hacker Could Have Dramatically Improved His NFL Hacking. | Gradient

3 ways the NFL hacker could have dramatically improved his NFL hacking.


The NFL’s Twitter account got hacked. Unfortunately, the hacker’s tweets were in pretty terrible taste:


There was so much potential for good old fashion pranking, no need to fake NFL commissioner Roger Goodell’s death! How can hackers be so good at getting into Twitter accounts and so bad at good Twitter jokes? A total waste.

Here are three suggestions a creative hacker can use to have some good, clean, fun with a serially corrupt organization.

Leak the real concussion reports

Again, death hoaxes aren’t cool. Roger Goodell has friends and loved ones, that would miss him, assuming chronic brain injuries haven’t damaged their ability to remember people, places, and things. The NFL won’t even let its employees know if ramming their heads against each other puts them at risk of concussion-related maladies. Maybe the hacker can slide into @NFL’s DM’s to find an incriminating data point for the masses.

Publish the people and organizations the NFL blackmailed

Recently, Sony altered trailers for Concussion, a Will Smith vehicle based on a real-life doctor’s discovery of CTE, in their attempt to appease league attorneys. How did they get a multinational conglomerate’s film division to rework an actual, true story?

Blackmail. That’s how.

It’s not even the first time the NFL pressured a series! In 2003, the NFL pressured ESPN into canceling a scripted television series, Playmakers, because the show’s dysfunctional and fictional professional football league got too real in its depictions of drug use (including PEDs) and, yes, head injuries. Maybe NFL owns a photo of Chris Berman suggestively posing in boxer briefs (Front: I COULD GO ALL THE WAY Back: 4 U).

ESPN became a much stauncher critic of the league in recent years, despite the multi-billion dollar deal the network has covering the extremely valuable and profitable Monday Night Football. Nonetheless, NFL Hacker, find *that* Flickr account and then, start reworking your Twitter game.

Tease the NFL’s domestic violence awareness campaign

The NFL has already shown their robust and persistent support for their female fans and employees by wearing pink cleats once in awhile. Surely there’s a plan to turn the blowback against their abhorrent record recognizing the severity of domestic violence in the most patronizing manner possible.

Their next color coded campaign probably won’t purple-themed, though. Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback William Gay wore purple cleats during a game in support of domestic violence awareness month, and he got fined. Either way, our next NFL hacker really ought to find the company Evernote before tweeting away.

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