No Matter How Well Team USA Does At This Year’s Olympics, They Will Look Ridiculous Doing It. | Gradient

No matter how well Team USA does at this year’s Olympics, they will look ridiculous doing it.

In this image released by NBC, U.S. Olympic athletes, from left, Ryan Lochte, Haley Anderson and Jordan Burroughs, model Polo Ralph Lauren closing ceremony uniforms on the "Today Show" in New York, Wednesday, April 27, 2016. (Photo by: Bryan Bedder/NBC)
In this image released by NBC, U.S. Olympic athletes, from left, Ryan Lochte, Haley Anderson and Jordan Burroughs, model Polo Ralph Lauren closing ceremony uniforms on the “Today Show” in New York, Wednesday, April 27, 2016. (Photo by: Bryan Bedder/NBC)

Well, let’s hope Team USA claims a lot of medals at this year’s Rio Olympics—anything to cover up the WASP-y, cheap Gatsby knockoffs Ralph Lauren has outfitted them in. Yes, America’s brightest athletes will enter the global stage looking very smart indeed for their first day at sea on the good ship USS Jackie Kennedy. Good grief.

By way of comparison, Great Britain’s Olympic team gets to wear these numbers from Stella McCartney and Adidas. It’s not quite the crowning jewel one might have expected from a designer at hot as McCartney, but at least they don’t look like they’re headed for Easter brunch at Uncle Sam’s.

The team from South Korea has also debuted their look, and it is in definite keeping with high fashion in South Korea and has the added benefit of a built-in mosquito repellent to keep the Zika virus at bay. Team USA did not see fit to add any mosquito repellent into their Gordon Gecko’s Summer Home fanfic attire.

South Korean Olympic athletes and models present the South Korean Olympic team uniforms for the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games at Korean National Training Center in Seoul, South Korea, Wednesday, April 27, 2016. South Korea's Olympic committee on Wednesday unveiled long-sleeved shirts and pants it says will help protect the country's Olympic athletes from the mosquito-borne Zika virus at this year's games in Rio de Janeiro. (AP Photo/Lee Jin-man)
(AP Photo/Lee Jin-man)

And what about Team France? They teamed up with Lacoste for a classic, nicely tailored look that sure looks breathable (they can jump in them!), and they got a dope beat to debut them in. Where did Team America get to debut their Wall Street Boat Party outfits? Good Morning America. Advantage: Team France.


Team Sweden’s clothes were designed by H&M, which means they probably cost $3 a pop and have the structural integrity to withstand exactly one washing. But the clothes look great right up until the point where they literally rip to shreds right off your body for no reason.


But the best look has to go to Team Canada, who mirrored the fashion sense of their famously fly prime minister. Just look at these guys. Win or lose; they’d look fantastic in these Dsquared outfits. But with swerves like this, they clearly are not flying all the way to Rio to lose..fsnxbcn60d3emgfmhjwx

Good luck, Team USA. Bring home the gold. Leave the uniforms in Rio.

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