WTF Even Is The First Picture From The 'Jumaji' Remake? | Gradient
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WTF even is the first picture from the ‘Jumanji’ remake?

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It’s not surprising or even necessarily bad that Hollywood wants a Jumanji remake. All movies have to be remade sooner or later, and Jumanji‘s card was bound to be drawn sooner or later. There was even some reason to be optimistic once we heard that Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Karen Gillan had been cast. But now we’ve got our first look and hoo boy. Hard to imagine a worse image to lead off your big marketing campaign. Meet your Jumanji cast, who each look like they got dressed for an entirely different climate or maybe a whole different movie.

Let’s start with the setting. The original Jumanji was a delightful, weirdly creepy children’s fable about Robin Williams escaping a board game that wanted to kill you. It was pretty dark for a kid’s movie, and it was awesome. This looks like…well, it’s hard to know what it looks like, but it’s not Jumanji.

But that’s not the dumbest thing about this picture, no. The dumbest thing is that this movie has somehow found a way to squeeze Karen Gillan — the only female on the bill right now — into an outfit that looks ripped from the female character on a 1990s Street Fighter knockoff. Dwayne Johnson says in the Gram that Ruby Roundhouse (haha. Whatever you say, Dwayne) is wearing a “jungle wardrobe” that will “make sense when you know the plot,” and let’s stop right there. Writing some lame-ass excuse for your female character to run into a magical board game jungle wearing her Sexy Wren Stevens cosplay doesn’t automatically make it OK. If anything, it makes it worse because it proves you knew what you were doing was brazenly sexist and just did it anyway by writing the flimsiest of justifications.

What, does “Ruby Roundhouse” work at some sort of jungle-themed Hooters-type restaurant? Did the board game have a magic spell that shrunk her clothes? Was it Halloween and she was going dressed up as Slightly Less Practically Dressed Laura Croft? The only reasonable explanation for an outfit like this would be “Ruby Roundhouse wears whatever she feels like, and she wants to wear this” but something tells me that is not the reason this movie is going to go with.

To be fair, her outfit at least makes more sense than Jack Black’s. No idea what’s going on there.

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