Pulling at a house party isn’t always a walk in the park. Pulling in the park? Even more difficult. But let’s stay focused. Getting lucky at a party can be tricky, but it’s not impossible. If you’re a man looking to hook up with a woman, then there are some things you should know and remember and then repeat to yourself at least once in the uber on the way over. There are the obvious things, like make an effort with your appearance and don’t neglect any aspect of your personal hygiene. Then there are things you maybe didn’t think of, like don’t scream directly into her face. Many women actually hate that. Thank god I’m here, right? Anyway, here’s more words about how to pull at a house party and how not to not pull at a house party.
DON’T get too drunk.
Be your best self at a party, or any location where you’re trying to pull. Your best self is always the self that most possibly gets to have sex later. The other self that drinks too much and acts a fool just gets put in a cab and is then talked shit about in group texts for many weeks to come. Don’t be that self. We hate that self. So grab yourself a glass of water, and then later when some wasted ass dude is getting in a fight with a mop for looking at him the wrong way you can be grateful that it isn’t you.
DO show your interest early.
Don’t put a ring on it or anything, but if you think someone is OK, then you should let them know. Say something like: “You are okay and not terrible, may I please use my hands to procure you a beverage, and then talk words from my face at your face?” (or something like that). Definitely don’t be coy or shitty or too cool or play hard to get. That’s irritating, and we hate that. Show your interest, be engaging, and then go be at the party like a regular human.
DON’T corner them.
It’s a party, and nobody came to the party just to suck your dick. It’s not that kind of party. You already tried that, you sent the invites, you bought dips, and nobody came. It’s time to move on. So maybe just show your interest by saying hello, asking a question, doing a charming look and then let them live their lives. Being too intense is just weird and off-putting. You’re not a vampire in a tween movie, Gregg.
DO use the setting to your advantage.
A house party has an immediate intimacy that you don’t get at the club, or a bar, or the aquarium where you go to meet single fish-loving women. It’s someone’s HOME. It’s full of love and memories and out of date pro-biotic yoghurts. There’s a microwave there. There’s no microwave at the club. Not unless you bring your own, and they get mad when you do that. They say stop doing that. They say you can’t make your popcorn here; it’s the club. I’m not sure what they mean by that but. Anyway. If you act right, then a house party is a great place to get some numbers, form some connections, maybe even make out in a cupboard or two.
DON’T be dishonest.
If you want to hook up and do some sex on someone, then don’t say words from your mouth to indicate that you’re looking to date someone and pick strawberries and then make jam together and fall in love. Those are called lies, and we don’t like them here at Internet Church. Be honest, upfront, not gross, and see what happens. Don’t forget that house parties are a tangled web of connections. Everybody knows someone who knows someone else who has a cousin who knows the host who knows the girl who you just stood up at the jam jar store. So unless you don’t want to ever be invited to a party again, tell the truth.
DO be a good house guest.
You’re at someone’s place, pal. At least put a coaster down. I don’t know what you heard on your disgusting millennial sex podcasts and your Juster Beibin pop music songs, but manners are good to have. Behaving like a nice and reasonable person is pretty much a necessity if you even want to be considered for sex. I mean don’t expect anyone to be outwardly impressed by it (Why would they be? You’re a grown adult man), but it will help your case in the same way that doing the opposite would definitely hurt it. So be polite, wipe your feet, say thank you. Respect the upholstery. Then maybe later you can do sex. I don’t know for sure though. I’m not a wizard who knows the future. I’m just a regular wizard.
DON’T make it your only objective.
Nobody likes that guy at the party who’s clearly just there trying to get laid. Who’s the person at the party always guaranteed to go home alone? Yeah, it’s that guy. So enjoy yourself. Dance when a song comes on. Talk to people. Be charming. And then if you find someone who you like who appears to like you, then that’s gravy. Otherwise, you’ll just try too hard and fuck it up and join the ranks of The Men Who Did Too Much. They didn’t get laid. And they died. No, they didn’t die. But they were sad!! And nobody cared.
DO read the signs.
If they’re clearly not feeling it, then let it go. This isn’t a training montage in a boxing movie. Trying harder isn’t going to bring you success and make your emotionally distant father cry. It’s just going to come off creepy and oblivious. Listen. Women get hit on a lot. Sometimes it’s nice. Sometimes they stand a respectful distance away and ask politely if you’d like another drink. But other times, it’s someone interrupting you when you’re jogging in the street to tell you that they had a dream about you and ask you back to their Ford Fiesta for some wine and heavy petting. It can get bloody exhausting. So if you’re getting the signals that they’re not down to flirt or get to know a stranger then gracefully leave it alone. Say it was nice to meet you, and go talk to someone else.