At this point, Coachella is a music festival in much the same way that MTV is a music television channel. The music is there, but it’s really just a catalyst for the good stuff, like customizing your Urban Outfitters jean vest, mansplaining Bernie’s feminist credentials to everyone in the EDM tent, and finding out if your drug dealer takes Venmo.
These things are all well and good if you’re a regular Coachella attendee but, the truth is, Coachella is attended by everyone from the proletariat to the Kardashians. And even a few film icons who did not actually attend Coachella (because they are not real), but most certainly would have fit right in if they had.
Immortan Joe’s Five Wives in Mad Max: Fury Road
The Coachella ideal is half Cara Delevingne at Paris Fashion Week, half caveman. In other words, it’s the drapey look from the runaway brides of Mad Max: Fury Road and, more importantly, breaking the bones of any leering, sex-crazed glue-sniffer who tries to gets too close.
Charlie Bucket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The titular star of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wouldn’t be the most fashion forward Coachella attendee (fashion scarves at music festivals wore out their welcome back during Obama’s first term), but he’d still fit right in given his affinity for popping any weird treat he finds into his mouth.
Let’s see. Sombrero? Check. Fashionable bandanna knotted just so? Check. Quick, jittery movement reminiscent of someone who hasn’t slept in three days and is fueled by vodka and ecstasy? Check plus.
The Dude in The Big Lebowski
The downside of being Jeff Lebowski at Coachella is that you’re suddenly just one more of a thousand neckbearded slobs quoting The Big Lebowski in-between bong rips. The upside is that you’re the genuine article, and what does Coachella value more than authenticity?
Gomer Pyle in The Andy Griffith Show
Mayberry’s town mechanic is the most Coachella thing to ever happen to network television.
Princess Jasmine in Aladdin
Princess Jasmine looks the part, with some very on-point cat-eye mascara and flowy pants. And if you think she’d be the only girl at Coachella with a pet tiger, you’ve never been to Coachella.
Rufio in Hook
There’s not an Internet server in the world big enough to deal with how viral Rufio’s look would go if someone snapped a pic of him at Coachella.
Chevy Case in Man of the House
Not one of Chevy Chase’s better-known movies, but proof that Chevy Chase would fit right in with Coachella’s time-honored tradition of appropriating other cultures for its own fashion schtick.
Anakin and Padme
A screengrab from Attack of the Clones or a Just Jared shot of Justin Bieber and Kendall Jenner? Do you really care to figure it out?
Leonardo DiCaprio in Gangs of New York
At every music festival, everyone will be having a terrific time just dancing and meeting new people and then some dude has to come along looking like an extra from Gangs of New York and completely ruin it. In the future, if you’re looking for Leonardo DiCaprio fashion tips at Coachella, avoid Gangs of New York and just go with The Beach. Or hell, go with The Revenant.
The Cast of a Midsummer Night’s Dream
“The lunatic, the lover and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold.”
Everyone In Black Swan
The more mid-transformation to literal swan you can get, the better.